01.18.2017

Finding Parents, It’s Not For Me

My birthday is here and whenever my birthday comes around (as I get older) I constantly think about my birth parents. I’ve wondered why? What happened? Was it me? Of course, as I have had my own children, health history has been a weighing factor. But do I really what to find them? Really, finding them isn’t really for me and here’s why.

Growing up, I have always known that I am adopted. But when you look at my family, no one ever believes me. I look so much like my parents its crazy. Plus, my parents are really good looking, so that’s a plus too. But really, genetically we aren’t related. Whenever I would learn about genetics, so many thoughts would go through my mind. Where did I get my eye color? Where did my family originate from? Just all the questions you have as a child that your parents can answer, I couldn’t answer.

As I have gotten older a lot of things have happened to make it more where I didn’t feel like finding them was really that important to me. First of all, a lot of people find their birth parents (mostly their mom) and have great experiences through that. But there are also cases where it opens a huge can of worms. Do I want that possibility in my life? Personally, I think I am fine without. Who knows, it could be a fantastic experience, but as of right now things are perfectly fine.

When you have kids, there is a lot of medical history paperwork. When my son was born that was the easiest form I had ever filled out. My medical history is simple, then to put adopted for the rest made it a quick form. I knew for me that I was pigeon toed, but would that be something my kids would have? Did either of my parents have that?

Then my wife was pregnant with my daughter and I thought, maybe I should find out. LDS Social Services (who I was adopted through) has it where you can basically open your file, but just to get the information that was given. I went in, filled out what I wanted and got my medical history. Now, the medical history you are given is more of the mother, and they don’t usually get much from the dad. Mine said dark hair and dark eyes for both parents, taller and other than that—nothing.

So to this day, I really don’t have a medical history which works for me. Do I worry when I have kids because there could be more in their DNA I don’t know about? Sure, but it’s not anything I can change or prevent.

But what about what my ethnicity? Well, my brother-in-law gave me one of the coolest birthday gifts this last Christmas. Have you heard about the Ancestry DNA test? Basically, you spit in a small beaker, mail it in and in 6-8 weeks you get your results. I am super excited!

Really though, my parents have been through it all with me. They are the ones that were there when I got on stage in a leotard just to win a competition. They were there when I made the decision to move back to Utah, when it wasn’t what I wanted, but needed to do. That night I came home because my best friend had died and I laid on the floor for hours crying, they held me. And they were the one that supported my Kardashian addiction by going shopping at Dash for me.

Whether I were to meet my birth parents or not, it wouldn’t matter because my parents are my parents. They taught me how to be a parent and I love them for all the many lessons we have been through together.

Just because it’s not for me though doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be ideal for everyone. Hearing stories of birth mothers makes you realize the real struggle is was for them to let you go. I mean, they were with me 24/7 for nine months—of course it would be hard to let go. So to those mothers I say, thank you!

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