11.28.2017

How Being Adopted Changed Parenting For Me

My entire life I have known I was adopted. But because of that, growing up sometimes the thoughts go through your head that you weren’t loved or you were abandoned, the list goes on and on. Now that I have my own kids I have learned how being adopted changed parenting for me. 

Fortunately for me, I have always known I was adopted. It’s weird because I look so much like my parents, but I am. What if I didn’t look like them? It would be easier to believe that I was adopted, but since I look so much like them I would struggle with believing it.

There was always a wonder if my birth parents loved me. My parents would tell me they did, but growing up was hard. I got teased all the time by kids saying my birth parents didn’t love me. That I was abandoned and they wanted nothing to do with me.

Life wasn’t easy being adopted, but because of these experiences I have learned that I never want my kids to feel this way. I want them to know that I love them with all my heart. That I would do anything in the world for them.

It wasn’t until a couple years ago I had the answer I was always wanting. When we had our first child I didn’t know my family health history. Genetics is clearly a big deal when it comes to having children and I knew nothing.

This made me wonder about my birth family once again. I went to LDS Family Services (who I was adopted through) and opened up my record. I needed to know it all—for the sake of my family.

Good news, I didn’t have any health issues in my family genetics. They tell you the dad doesn’t always give information, but either way there was nothing there so I was at peace. But what was even better news—a letter. My birth mother had written me a letter that explained it all.

To me, this is the most personal thing I have and I keep it between me and her. But I will tell you this, I wasn’t conceived in a back of a car (HALLELUJAH). I was loved, but it wasn’t the right time.

If you are pregnant, wanting to give the child for adoption, and thinking of keeping it closed please do this one thing—write a letter. I finally knew what had happened and who my parents were. It let me know that things happen, not accidents, but just bad timing. My birth parents knew that they couldn’t give me the life they wanted for me at that time. So they hoped that someone yearning for a family would give me what they couldn’t. And it also confirmed that my mom is MY MOM!

So what do I do with this and my own kids. Well, I let them know they are loved, each and every day. We have tried to teach my oldest that Grandma Giggles didn’t have me in her belly, but someone else did. He still doesn’t quite understand it, but we keep the conversation open about it.

I am adopted. It’s who I am and there is no changing it. My kids will know about it, but they will always know that my parents loved and raised me. They will know their grandparents love them and that we are a family forever. Be adopted changed parenting for me forever, but it’s who I am grateful for it.

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